Tomorrow will be my 29th birthday. I was looking forward to my birthday celebration until today (the last 2 days of my actual birthday) . I was thinking if L is excited to celebrate my birthday with me or is it just a need to do as I will not be happy if he didnt prepare anything for me. This makes me questioned myself if it holds more meanings to celebrate with my friends or my husband. At least my friends will be happy to celebrate with me. I am upset. I'm not too sure if this is depression. I thought of ways to end my life as sometimes I just can't think straight anymore. I don't talk to anyone about my problem and I don't know who to talk when the person I want to talk doesn't seem like he is keen to listen to my depressing thoughts. I set this blog to talk to myself and let my emotions flow. Last night, I was angry, frustrated and upset. There is nowhere for me to vent out my anger. I am angry that louis grandmother opened all the rooms door and allowed m...
It's been really a long time. Today I realised something about myself. There's a saying "the older you grow, the wiser you will be." It seemed like this sentence is the total opposite of my growing up process. I find that sometime I didnt pick the right time to say the right stuff even if I'm just joking to my friends. I can sense a moment of silence or awkwardness. Am I not growing up or are my friends around me ha be grown up so much? Or am I just thinking too much?
I feel that we are living in world making up of pretentious people. I am tired of being the good person giving in to his grandmother. I am frustrated, angry and upset. If someone asked me if I feel guilty talking to her in such manner. My answer would be no. Today, as usual, Leia is crying for me while I'm holding Ariel. GrandM: I can follow Ariel, u go and handle Leia. Me: it's okay. Let Leia cry. She alrdy got her milk and YouTube in her hand. What's more she needs. GrandM: consoling Leia and walking over, wanting to hold Ariel for me. Me: it's okay. Even if u follow Ariel, you can't hold her if she falls. My sis in law instantly looked at me. I always got this feeling that everyone thought that my life is good and easy because their life is simple and easy with parent serving them like king and queen. Grandmother pretending to be noble when she knows she can't hold Ariel when she falls. Seriously, I do not need anyone to follow Ariel. I need someone t...
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