First post

Tomorrow will be my 29th birthday.

I was looking forward to my birthday celebration until today (the last 2 days of my actual birthday) .

I was thinking if L is excited to celebrate my birthday with me or is it just a need to do as I will not be happy if he didnt prepare anything for me.

This makes me questioned myself if it holds more meanings to celebrate with my friends or my husband. At least my friends will be happy to celebrate with me.

I am upset. I'm not too sure if this is depression. I thought of ways to end my life as sometimes I just can't think straight anymore. I don't talk to anyone about my problem and I don't know who to talk when the person I want to talk doesn't seem like he is keen to listen to my depressing thoughts.

I set this blog to talk to myself and let my emotions flow.

Last night, I was angry, frustrated and upset. There is nowhere for me to vent out my anger. I am angry that louis grandmother opened all the rooms door and allowed my girls to run all over the place. She said that she will follow (to take care) them.

"Even if she can follow them, can she carry or hold them? My girls are weighing 9 and 10kg respectively. She can't. If my girls fall and injured themselves badly. Can she hold that responsibility?"

Why would she allow Ariel to hold her dirty slipper? Is she mad? Obviously, it's not right to let a 1 year old to bite on her slipper. Many times, I wish to throw the fucking slipper to the wall and fucking burn it.

I would very much wanted to say it to her but I can't. If I choose to say it out.. things will end up ugly. There's no one to speak to, no ways to resolve this. This problem left me sleepless.